I just need an outlet.

I'm the type of person, who rambles a lot a lot when I panic, or when I'm worried, or when something different and shocking is happening to me. 

I go on and on and on about my problem, until the panicky feeling inside me die off, and I proceed to doing what I was doing.

One way or another it's a horrible habit to people around me who has to listen and aren't exactly willing to after they fully understand and got a grasp of what was going on. 
And somehow it's a good thing because once I got the feeling off my chest through my mouth, I get over it. 

And as I was growing up, I rarely get to have friends who bother to speak to me, or listen to me, until I started a blog, where I started ranting and ranting because it's pretty much out there, if you're curious you can read, if you're not the type you can skip. Nobody can really tell me in the face that I'm too long-winded. I can say what I really wanted to because it's my space.
It didn't matter to me that there isn't anyone who bothers listening because, I was happy given this space to rant.

Nobody can tell if I'm crying, laughing, smiling, raging behind the screen while typing. I can fully express how I feel while saying what I want to say.

Things have changed a lot since this little space has been publicised. 
There are pros and cons, I found more people who probably find me relatable, but I can't say as much as I want to say back in the days. 

This is when I go back to people.
Because I need an outlet.

And then it makes me realise again, how people out there can be scary, how it can be brought up straight to my face that nobody really give two hoots, how they only bother to listen until they are no longer curious, and that I CAN be too long-winded, too annoying, too much of a hassle to deal with.

I started to ask myself, if I have to deal with someone like me, how will it feel?
And sadly, the answer is the same to what everyone around me has given. 

Dear me, what do you want? 
You this confusing, sensitive, high-maintanence prick.

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  1. I think it's impossible to find the perfect outlet. It's not that you want someone to understand you, you just want someone to respect your space and treat you like normal. Someone that can help you think less yet understand you think a lot. Basically someone that accepts your flaws.

    I do that a lot too, thinking about people, pros and cons, myself and others. It's interesting yet sucky. My advice for you is to accept yourself then your flaws and strengths. It's normal to dislike your flaws, no one's perfect. Maybe you tell yourself to change, but change only how you see your flaws or how imperfect you see yourself.

    But Peishi, you are an awesome person, always smiling and being awkward and clumsy, yet you are mature and always changing yourself for the better so be proud of that. I'm sure you'll feel better about your flaws. I'm just keep on being a fan or somewhat friend. Jyjy :) by Tasuke101 (Dean)

  2. just follow what your heart tells you !
    be the one who you want to be,i have followed you quite some time and i like your cheerful personality !!
    fighting!! ^^

  3. Cheer Up Peishi! Stay happy and strong alright? All your fans including me will definitely be here for you! We Love You! Saranghaeyo!

  4. I'm in this state of mind right now. I don't know what I want & that affects my blog. What the hell do we want? How do we find out? Wishing you strength, I know how much you need it.

  5. I get to know you through other bloggers during my secondary days, you are truly different and such a genuine person based on what you shared on your blog and it fully displays how nice you are. Even though i do not know you personally nor your hard core fans. But i realize i will always come back to visit your space when i have the time to do so! Such a interesting blog as you are not just giving "sponsored post" but truly stay connected to the people that genuinely love who you are. Lastly, this is your blog, you can write what you want. :) JIAYOU! I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE *mini fan*